The time has come to start thinking about getting back into work. A much more daunting thought when for the past 2 and half years all I have been is Mama, Mummy and a nappy disposal, now I have to be me. I am sure many of you know how it feels to slip into the comfort zone of just being a mummy and not really thinking about yourself and just worrying about the upbringing of your mini me, so when I think about interviews, emails and uniforms it sends shivers down my spine. I think you do lose a lot of confidence in yourself and your abilities when you become a mother because everything you were used to changes and you are thrown into the unknown, but at least most of it can be done in your pyjamas!
After applying for the first job I did it with excitement thinking this will be great, it will give me a bit of my independence back and I will earn some money and generally it will be good for family life, but the minute I hit submit I suddenly thought, hang on this means I might have to do an interview, I don’t remember how to do that! Then I find myself worrying about things that have not even happened yet…oh hi anxiety, it’s been a minute!
We send Emma to nursery already twice a week and I work to cover the cost of that but I am looking for something now with a bit more money so we can save for holidays and other luxuries we don’t have the money for at the moment. So Emma is already settled there so sending her a few more days should work out well, I just find I am overloaded with mum guilt and always continue to go over the same points and constantly change my mind. Even as I begin to type them I know they are stupid, but things like, surely I am just effectively paying for someone else to bring her up, or, what happens if she starts to prefer being at nursery and wont want to play with me, or will she feel sad!? So silly, but I live in hope that all mums feel the same!? haha
That was definitely more of a venting/what I’m feeling right now sort of post but I hope this gives another mama reading his some hope that all mums go through these times and if we can be a mother to giggling, pooing, eating, messy babies then we can do anything!!